Tag Archives: Relationships

Couples are so boring

30 Aug

So now that I am single I have realised something…

Couples can be SO BORING

I was kindly invited out on Saturday night with a group of couples that myself and aforementioned assclown used to hang out with it.

I love all these people, but sitting there on the outside, even though we were in a fabulously chic restaurant that cost over $600 for about three mouthfuls of food…I realised how utterly boring the conversation was.

Couple 1: “So how is work for you guys?” <sipping on a dry semillion>

Couple 2: “Oh you know work is the same for us…” <competing with a crisp verdelho>

<Silence>

Couple 1 & 2 <In desperation>: “Miss Procrastination, how is work for you?”

Miss Procrastination: <throwing down a lychee cocktail> “Work is awesome, I have an incredible team, and I get to travel all over the world first class for next to nothing. Last week my work signed off $3m worth of funding for me, and my team executes everything while I sit there and cut through bureaucratic bullshit all day, and pretend to be really important”.

Note the difference?

A couple of months back I am sure that assclown and myself would have been competing ourselves with a new grape variety along the lines of a gewurztraminer white, but now sitting on the outside I realised how deceptively bland life as a couple can be.

Life revolves around only a few select topics:

  • How long you have been together, when your man will be popping the question (get on with it already!) and where you will inevitably hold your wedding
  • How much money you need to save to hold ‘holy mother of god, how much?’ wedding and ‘ you had to sell your liver to afford that?’ honeymoon
  • Whether you will be staying at your place of employment after you get knocked up or will invariably have to nurse working mother guilt, does this mean you need to sell your sports car as well? decisions decisions….
  • The move from the city to the suburbs, and pretending that this is completely fine…that and grabbing yourself a nice .44 magnum to shoot yourself in the head with, as you realise that your mammoth mortgage no longer allows you the opportunity to pick up those ‘on sale’ Manolos anymore.

These crucial points, and whether you need to get roman or horizontal blinds, should you use a suede fabric for the couch or go for the more purposeful leather upholstery and do we really need a dining setting for 12 make up the basis of most couples day to day conversations.

But what I really want to know is, why was this conversation and way of life so acceptable for me a mere six months ago and now it bores the bejesus out of me. So much so I feel like my life force is being sucked dry. I want to scream “get a freaken life already!”

Is it latent jealousy?  Am I secretly longing to be part of this world again, or has my alter single ego who is quite happy with ensconsing herself in doing whatever she damn well likes just too happy to care?

Why is it that when we are single most of us are just so much more interesting? And if we are so much more interesting when we are alone…why are we all so desperate to become a couple and inverariably have it taken away from us eventually?

I am sure that tomorrow I will be lusting over Eric from True Blood again, and think oh yeah…thats why, but for the most part unless the guy you are obsessing over is part of the undead…what makes us want to attach ourselves to another so desperately….to unwittingly end up like this anyway? 

P.S Remind me of this conversation in a few days when I am crying on the couch <covered in a lovely cross thatch fabric mind you> throwing myself a pity party again….

Mid Week Let’s get deep moment: Me, Myself, I

3 Aug

I always wondered when someone asked me, “so what do you like to do outside of work”, I was always stumped. Surely after 29 years on this earth I could think of something a little bit more interesting than…ahhh I like to shop, hang out with my friends, watch TV….have facials…(cue stereotypical stupid blonde girl laughing)

Why was I the girl without any hobbies? Sometimes it would actively worry me, that I seemed to have none, even though I was always busy.

Then when my life imploded I realised what my hobby had always been.

….Men

Deciphiring them, giving them what they want, making them happy, worrying about them, talking to my friends about them, walking on eggshells for them…blah blah….no wonder I was always so exhausted. I never had any time for me, never had made decisions just for me.

So now that I have all the time in the world, I have decided to find out who the hell I really am.

Do I have an interest in backgammon? croquet?  Sudoku? (Who the hell gets into sudoku anyway?, it’s a whole new level of wrong for me, how could anyone be bothered, and really who wants to list their interests as sudoku anyway?)

So I have started trying things, things that I have always been interested in but maybe never had the time or the money for, as I was always saving for the house, or the wedding, or the next holiday away with <insert man’s name here>

And it just so turns out, that I have lots of interests.

And I like hanging out by myself. A LOT. I think this is particularly cool. I always thought I needed a guy, but it turns out that my company is just as awesome, and I can decide to do whatever I like. So my interests have turned out to include:

  • Not exercising. I like this, I have sat in my bedroom deciding to not exercise, because I have always had someone who just so happen to think that I should be getting up at 6am to run around in circles in an attempt to whittle down my size 8 body to a more likeable 4 – 6. Nah – uh, I’m just going to sit here on my arse, eating Pringle’s because I can!
  • Not watching comedies. It turns out that I like to watch horror movies, thrillers, sci-fi’s, the home renovating channel, and just about anything else (Including antiques roadshow…I know…I know). My ability to now choose whatever it is that I would like to watch astounds me, and I’ve realised how much I have missed out on in the last few years while trying to appease a partner who was obsessed with comedies, because he was so miserable on the inside.
  • Not eating healthy food. Oh how I love travelling all over Sydney to eat some of the most decadent food available. If it is tasty, I will find you and I will eat you. And I will not feel guilty about it at all. And if I put on a kilo or two..you know what? I DON’T CARE!
  • Being Lazy. It turns out that I am really good at this. I have always been the type of person that had to ‘achieve’. Whether it was owning and running my own business at 24, while still maintaining a high pressure job, or becoming qualified in whatever it was I was interested in at the time, I’ve always had to be ‘the best’. Turns out doing nothing though, is a hobby in itself, and between you and me, learning how to be lazy without feeling guilty is a real skill.

But really, what I have found that what happens, is that when you don’t put pressure on yourself to have these ‘interests’ you actually find out that you have a lot of them.

I now have an active passion for pilates, I’ve realised that I love to eat and sometimes even get in the kitchen myself. I am addicted to my camera, and am about to start a course to study it more. I read tonnes of books, and watch loads of series and movies while curled up on the couch in my electric rug. I love getting my manicures and pedicures and facials and blow-drys on a Saturday morning, while sipping a latte and chatting on the phone to all my gorgeous friends. I plan lots of holidays and am about to jet off to Paris, Singapore and New York. I sleep in. I visit psychics. I write a blog.

I’ve realised I am a person in my own right. I have lots of interests and I have lots of facets to my character. And I won’t be boxed in again. I don’t have to worry about being that girl with no interests anymore, because really I always did have them, I just had to uncover them.

And from now on, I’ll be choosing whether I let you into my life, and not the other way around.