Tag Archives: boring

Couples are so boring

30 Aug

So now that I am single I have realised something…

Couples can be SO BORING

I was kindly invited out on Saturday night with a group of couples that myself and aforementioned assclown used to hang out with it.

I love all these people, but sitting there on the outside, even though we were in a fabulously chic restaurant that cost over $600 for about three mouthfuls of food…I realised how utterly boring the conversation was.

Couple 1: “So how is work for you guys?” <sipping on a dry semillion>

Couple 2: “Oh you know work is the same for us…” <competing with a crisp verdelho>

<Silence>

Couple 1 & 2 <In desperation>: “Miss Procrastination, how is work for you?”

Miss Procrastination: <throwing down a lychee cocktail> “Work is awesome, I have an incredible team, and I get to travel all over the world first class for next to nothing. Last week my work signed off $3m worth of funding for me, and my team executes everything while I sit there and cut through bureaucratic bullshit all day, and pretend to be really important”.

Note the difference?

A couple of months back I am sure that assclown and myself would have been competing ourselves with a new grape variety along the lines of a gewurztraminer white, but now sitting on the outside I realised how deceptively bland life as a couple can be.

Life revolves around only a few select topics:

  • How long you have been together, when your man will be popping the question (get on with it already!) and where you will inevitably hold your wedding
  • How much money you need to save to hold ‘holy mother of god, how much?’ wedding and ‘ you had to sell your liver to afford that?’ honeymoon
  • Whether you will be staying at your place of employment after you get knocked up or will invariably have to nurse working mother guilt, does this mean you need to sell your sports car as well? decisions decisions….
  • The move from the city to the suburbs, and pretending that this is completely fine…that and grabbing yourself a nice .44 magnum to shoot yourself in the head with, as you realise that your mammoth mortgage no longer allows you the opportunity to pick up those ‘on sale’ Manolos anymore.

These crucial points, and whether you need to get roman or horizontal blinds, should you use a suede fabric for the couch or go for the more purposeful leather upholstery and do we really need a dining setting for 12 make up the basis of most couples day to day conversations.

But what I really want to know is, why was this conversation and way of life so acceptable for me a mere six months ago and now it bores the bejesus out of me. So much so I feel like my life force is being sucked dry. I want to scream “get a freaken life already!”

Is it latent jealousy?  Am I secretly longing to be part of this world again, or has my alter single ego who is quite happy with ensconsing herself in doing whatever she damn well likes just too happy to care?

Why is it that when we are single most of us are just so much more interesting? And if we are so much more interesting when we are alone…why are we all so desperate to become a couple and inverariably have it taken away from us eventually?

I am sure that tomorrow I will be lusting over Eric from True Blood again, and think oh yeah…thats why, but for the most part unless the guy you are obsessing over is part of the undead…what makes us want to attach ourselves to another so desperately….to unwittingly end up like this anyway? 

P.S Remind me of this conversation in a few days when I am crying on the couch <covered in a lovely cross thatch fabric mind you> throwing myself a pity party again….